Monday, October 11, 2010

I'll Be missing for awhile.

I need to chat today so this is going to take awhile..
It seems like the only normal thing in our household for the past couple years is to be in an uproar.  If things settled down to a dull routine,  I  think I would feel like something is wrong or I'd be holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop!  Every morning when I get out of bed I have to remind myself that God says He will not put more on us than we can bear and I find myself constantly saying throughout the day, "I can handle this".  I know that many of you out there in blogland can sympathize with my when I tell you that no matter how old your children are... you NEVER quit being a mom.  35 yrs ago when our son was born he was born with Respiratory Distress Syndrome due to being 2 months premature.  He struggled for years with weakend lungs and was in and out of the hospital constantly.  During his  early years he was also diagnosed with juvienlle Rheumatoid Arthritis.  He didn't seem to have a  problem with this until about 8 years ago and it hit his body with a 2 by 6...Now, Eight years later he is  on a walker and in so much pain he can no longer stand straight.  He has been unable to work a lot this summer as his job is very physical. (He never missed work until now, and I am so proud of the fact that eventhough his pain was horrible he still managed to go to work.)  Last week his doctor finally put him off on medical until the end of the month and has ordered a ton of tests to see if they can find out exactly what is causing this severe pain and frozen joints, as they are no longer sure it is just the RA.  Dumb mom that I am I thought once he got married, had his own family,  I could sit back and relax and let someone else do the worrying... Brother was I ever wrong about that. (I did admit I was a dumb mom)  Hubby and I have been going over to do the lawn care and run errands, as he cannot drive because the difficulty walking. Actually he doesn't walk he shuffles.  It takes him about 10 minutes to shuffle 4 feet and is wringing wet with sweat from the pain. After I have spent the day watching him, knowing there is nothing I can do to make it better for him.. I spend the evening crying and praying that God will relieve his pain  even just a little.  I know what it is like to be consumed with that kind of pain.  I feel so sorry for Miss V as she can't understand why daddy can't take her to school anymore or why he can't play with her.  My DIL is  consumed with compassion  and worry for her husband but you can see the love in her face for him too and that is a comfort to me as I know he is in good care with her.  In my son's eyes you can see the guilt because he cannot take care of his family and all comsuming pain.  I don't know how to tell him it will be ok, because I am not sure it will be ok.   I keep telling myself that God has a bigger plan and bigger purpose, but being the humans we are I also know that when you are in this much pain, and wondering if you will lose your job and have no income, that you can't see that or even feel that.

I have said all of that not, for you to feel sorry for my family but to let you know that I have to take care of my family right now and to be honest my crafting mojo has completely left me.  I would also like to ask that when you think about it, please remember him in your prayers.  He will be having a full body bone scan this week. 


sillyp said...

I will pray to lift up your son and family in agreement with you. For strength from The Lord to come down on you and all your family and friends including your Granddaughter.
May The Lord be with you while you take care of your family needs and your own.

Vixx handmade cards said...

Hi Sally so sorry to hear about your son, my thoughts and prayers go to you and your family.
My husband has also got a crippling condition which was diagnosed 10 yrs ago.I Thought my world would fall apart, but we have struggled though even though its been very hard.My children at the time was very young and also couldn't understand why daddy couldn't run around and play like he use too and finally was medically retired from work.But thoughout all the problems we went though, we are a stonger family and the children have a wonderful relationship with their dad.
Fingers crossed your son's scan will be ok, take care
Love Vicky xx

kaz_za's crafty corner said...

hi Sally
i will keep everything crossed for him when he gets his scan... hopefully he will get the answers he need and the pain releif he deserves... sending you a BIG CYBER know where to get in touch even if you just need to off load to someone... you have my email addy... wish i could do more... but 2 many miles between us...

Bubbles said...

So very sorry to hear how poorly your son is Sally, I do hope that the scan goes well and something can be done to ease the pain.
Sending you big ((((HUGS)))) and best wishes to you and all of your family.
Joanne x

Chrissy D said...

(((HUGS)))) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Keeping you and your family in my prayers!

Cindy said...

Adding my fervent prayers that the doctors can provide some relief for your son. My heart just breaks to hear what he has to endure. May God hold your family in His loving protection. Hugs, Cindy

Kim. said...

Oh Sally I do hope the bone scan sheds some light on why he has this severe pain. I can sympathize with him on that score, since having spinal damage I have suffered more pain than I ever thought possible. I now have a brilliant pain relief doctor who treats my pain with a combination of drugs including methadone which I always said I would not take because hey it is a hard drug BUT boy the relief is amazing, it does have side effects but the relief is far greater. So if your son gets offered methadone along with a couple of other drugs please please tell him not to be put off taking it like I was at first. I still have my bad days but I can cope with that and that is what your son needs right now. I will be thinking of you all and wish you and your family all the best.
Kim xXx

purplestamper316 said...

Bless your hearts. I am praying! What a tough thing to go through. You're right- you never stop being a parent, and it's harder to see your children suffer than to suffer yourself, I think! Praying for God's Peace and wisdom for the docs. ><>

Nikki Schmaltz said...

Oh my dear, sweet Sally! I am so sorry for the emotional roller coaster of the past few years. I can't imagine how painful for all of you to go through this. I can only pray for you. No answers my dear. I promise that I will pray each day for your son...healing and a pain free day.

Big cyber hugs to you from me. I think you need a few. Cry all you want. Sometimes that is all you can do.

Take care!

Yukkie Jenny said...

It's so sad, Sally...
Wish your family and you a lot of vital power.