I need to chat today so this is going to take awhile..
It seems like the only normal thing in our household for the past couple years is to be in an uproar. If things settled down to a dull routine, I think I would feel like something is wrong or I'd be holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop! Every morning when I get out of bed I have to remind myself that God says He will not put more on us than we can bear and I find myself constantly saying throughout the day, "I can handle this". I know that many of you out there in blogland can sympathize with my when I tell you that no matter how old your children are... you NEVER quit being a mom. 35 yrs ago when our son was born he was born with Respiratory Distress Syndrome due to being 2 months premature. He struggled for years with weakend lungs and was in and out of the hospital constantly. During his early years he was also diagnosed with juvienlle Rheumatoid Arthritis. He didn't seem to have a problem with this until about 8 years ago and it hit his body with a 2 by 6...Now, Eight years later he is on a walker and in so much pain he can no longer stand straight. He has been unable to work a lot this summer as his job is very physical. (He never missed work until now, and I am so proud of the fact that eventhough his pain was horrible he still managed to go to work.) Last week his doctor finally put him off on medical until the end of the month and has ordered a ton of tests to see if they can find out exactly what is causing this severe pain and frozen joints, as they are no longer sure it is just the RA. Dumb mom that I am I thought once he got married, had his own family, I could sit back and relax and let someone else do the worrying... Brother was I ever wrong about that. (I did admit I was a dumb mom) Hubby and I have been going over to do the lawn care and run errands, as he cannot drive because the difficulty walking. Actually he doesn't walk he shuffles. It takes him about 10 minutes to shuffle 4 feet and is wringing wet with sweat from the pain. After I have spent the day watching him, knowing there is nothing I can do to make it better for him.. I spend the evening crying and praying that God will relieve his pain even just a little. I know what it is like to be consumed with that kind of pain. I feel so sorry for Miss V as she can't understand why daddy can't take her to school anymore or why he can't play with her. My DIL is consumed with compassion and worry for her husband but you can see the love in her face for him too and that is a comfort to me as I know he is in good care with her. In my son's eyes you can see the guilt because he cannot take care of his family and all comsuming pain. I don't know how to tell him it will be ok, because I am not sure it will be ok. I keep telling myself that God has a bigger plan and bigger purpose, but being the humans we are I also know that when you are in this much pain, and wondering if you will lose your job and have no income, that you can't see that or even feel that.
I have said all of that not, for you to feel sorry for my family but to let you know that I have to take care of my family right now and to be honest my crafting mojo has completely left me. I would also like to ask that when you think about it, please remember him in your prayers. He will be having a full body bone scan this week.